VSCO

Since I had time to kill seeing as I don't sleep anymore, I uploaded and updated my VSCO with pictures of my Switzerland/Italy trip that has been rotting, tucked away in a little corner of a folder in the dustiest depths of my computer. Pictures that has never seen the light of day lolol. So why not compile them somewhere so that, you know, I can view from time to time and others could, too. Will be uploading more pictures on here from now on.

Rest assured, there will be no pictures of my face AT ALL because god knows my Instagram has enough of that LOL. I've been thinking a lot lately that I should get it deleted..

Anyway, warning, my VSCO contains a lot of pictures that are probably too over-exposed, too saturated and too grainy but I'm far to lazy to be re-editing. And also because I'm satisfied with how my feed looks heh.

Go visit at dearmadeleine.vsco.co or search for me @dearmadeleine if you have VSCO!

Insomnia

Long time no doggie pic!

I've been having real trouble sleeping lately, which is weird considering how much I love my sleep. I'd stay up awake in bed for a few hours until 6am, by which the birds are already up and awake and joyously singing while I'm grumpy as fuck. It didn't even occur to me that I might have insomnia.

Sometimes when I do fall asleep, I get these little episodes. I call them sleep attacks cause I don't really know what it is. It's definitely not sleep paralysis because I've had them before and I'm quite surprised it hasn't hit me again at this time. I'd fall asleep and have really really vivid dreams. They're not scary but it's.. Messy. Like thousands of printed images crumpled up and being thrown at you all at once. It's hard to describe, but it makes me panic in my sleep and that's when I know they're just dreams and I've got to WAKE THE FUCK UP. Which is hard considering how every part of you, your fingers, toes, everywhere is in sleeping mode. Like a zombie. I can feel my fingers but they're stiff and cold and my head just feels like a rock on a pillow. When I DO finally, you know, wake the fuck up, well, it's tough trying to stay awake after that, which is ironic because before that I was having a tough time falling asleep wtf. I feel like I'm hovering on consciousness and unconsciousness, kind of like a falling sensation, and if I do fall back asleep, the cycle just repeats. Some nights its just episode after episode after episode.

Wanna sleep also cannot. Sleep d then have to get up and stay awake. LSJajsJLSJOASJalk HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SUCH INJUSTICE?!

It's also funny how time passes VERY fast when you're awake all night. Huh. It felt like only an hour ago that I was trying to fall asleep at 6am, when it was actually 12 hours ago. THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN A DAY.

My appetite has also been deteriorating lately. My stomach is constantly growling (holy fuck that one time I recorded my stomach growling, it was so loud in the video it sounds like constant farting I swear, I was pretty impressed) yet when I actually sit down in front of food.. My stomach just stops growling and I'm not hungry again. It's like food itself is making me lose my appetite, which is ironic AGAIN. Even my precious Shihlin cannot awaken the beast inside (that is, my stomach), and if you know me you'd know that EVERY MEAL NOT CONSISTING OF SHIHLIN IS A WASTE OF DIGESTIVE SPACE and that there is a very special place in my belly reserved for Shihlin.

But today.. Today aha. I will kick insomnia in the butt. As of right now, I have not had any sleep in 24 hours, so hopefully tonight I would be so tired, I'd drop dead to the world. That is, if we don't throw in sleep attacks as a factor.

Being awake for so long is also probably the reason why this post sounds a bit deranged right now.

And no, it isn't that time of the month.

xoxo, gossip girl.

Wait wat



Update: I slept.

Happy 2015!

Happy new years guys! Here's to making new memories in the year ahead, both the good and the bad.

To cap off 2014, I graduated from A-Levels, traveled to Korea with the family and Bangkok with the friends, started UOL at HELP, met a lot of new, amazing people, got closer to my existing friends and family.. So far, it has been a good year. Sure, I've had my downs, hurt and disappointed myself, but I would say that I've been in a worse place in 2013, 2012.. or 2011 or 2010. Aiya it goes on la, the typical teen phase. Speaking of which, I will be turning the big 20 in two months time, which is hard to believe. I honestly still think I look and act like.. I dunno. What would you think hahaha. Maybe in 2015, I would take things more seriously. Take on more responsibilities and start focusing on whats important.. Probably even this space would be redundant again, but that's a good thing right.

Damn my critical thinking skills lecturer would be happy about this reflection than the piece of crap assignment on self reflection I turned in lol. *Insert references*

Anyway, happy 2015 everyone else! Hope 2015 will be better for everyone else. Here's other pics of the other night xx